A married man's self-account: how I gradually did not love my wife in my five-year marriage.
I believe that everyone who enters a marriage begins with the rest of his life.
it's just that, in the world of mortals of the years, some people go to the white end hand in hand, while others go farther and farther away.
and every marriage that doesn't end well probably had a good beginning.
some people say that love is fragile, it can not stand the sharpening of time, can not bear the test of reality.
Why are two people in love disgusted with each other in marriage?
what defeats love, and what sustains marriage?
Let's take a look at
10-year relationship, lost to 5-year marriage
backstage received a letter from a reader:
I am divorced, a little sad, but more relieved.
We fell in love for 10 years, but we finally lost to reality.
I'm not having an affair. I just don't love her anymore.
she and I are classmates in high school. She is my goddess. I chased her for a long time.
statement, it's not that I don't cherish it when I get it. On the contrary, I always cherish her.
when I got married, my parents disagreed because she was an only child, spoiled and unable to take care of others.
I told my parents over and over again, "I don't need to be taken care of. I won't marry anyone but her." they reluctantly agreed.
I have always spoiled her, both before and after marriage.
she wants to buy bags, cosmetics, want to go to the online red store, I have never said a "no" word.
even if she doesn't want to go to work after giving birth, I still follow her.
however, the child is already in kindergarten and the family spends a lot of money in all aspects of the family.
for some reason, my income has shrunk a lot, and it's really stressful.
when I advised her to go out and find a job, she told me that I had promised to support her for the rest of my life, and now she backed out.
the point is that she doesn't work at home, the children are brought by her parents, and I wash the dishes.
apart from ordering takeout every day, she goes to Taobao or goes to a beauty salon.
what chills me most is that she messed with me all night because 520 didn't buy her a present.
I work hard every day, and I can't live peacefully when I get home. I'm really tired. I don't want to live this day.
We always say that glass is fragile and feelings are easy to disperse.
too many marriage stories tell us that love is the most unstable.
marriages formed because they are in love will also die out because of the breakup of the relationship.
although the former feelings are true, the previous vows are also serious.
however, under the erosion of the years, he has new requirements for marriage and new expectations for his partner.
but you stay where you are, no growth, no change.
Marriage is realistic, he can spoil you all his life, or he can take back his kindness to you.
in the movie, I raise you, is the most beautiful promise;
but in real life, I raise you, it is the most poisonous love words.
when you choose to rely on others and give up self-growth, you should be prepared to be eliminated at any time.
I bought the house and paid for my living
saw a video on the Internet, which was very heart-wrenching:
when I first got married, my wife and husband had a period of love.
later, the wife became pregnant and gave birth to a daughter, and her husband thought her salary was mediocre, so he asked her to resign and go home to take care of the children, saying that he would give her monthly living expenses.
the wife thought for a moment and felt that her husband had a point, so she agreed.
later, her husband felt that her income had not risen much, but she asked for more and more money every month, so she asked her to save some money.
my wife said aggrieved, "I'm not spending money indiscriminately. I just buy things for my daughter, and I don't want to buy them for myself."
my husband was angry at this and yelled at her:
"you don't make money when you are idle at home every day. Others can make money while taking care of their children. Why can't you?"
my wife said nothing more, but really went to look for a job and found a part-time part-time job with relatively free time.
after sending her daughter to school, she hurried to work. Although she had a little income, she was negligent in taking care of her daughter.
one day, my daughter was caught by the door and cried with pain.
I happened to be bumped into by my husband who came home from work, and he scolded his wife in the face.
"what's the use of you if you can't even take care of the child? I bought this house, I paid for your living expenses, and you get out of this house. "
Yang Lan once said:
"A woman is a daughter, sister, wife and mother, but first of all she is herself."
No one can set her free without an independent self; without a complete self, no one can make her complete.
the surest way to find happiness is to find yourself. "
for everyone in a marriage, whether you are a wife or a mother, you are yourself in the first place.
take yourself as the center of life, live as your own backer, rather than according to the requirements of others, live as others expect.
imagine that a woman, in order to support her partner's career, chooses to return to her family and pay for her children and the whole family.Yes.
but how many men in this world can really see your sacrifice and appreciate your service?
all they see is the way you reach out and ask for money, the way you can't take care of your children, and the way you look untidy.
people with upward palms are never free.
in marriage, counting on others is not as reliable as counting on yourself.
instead of relying on others to live, we should strive to be our own backers, make money on our own efforts, and gain the strength to live on our own.
the sense of security of marriage is given by myself
in the recent hit TV series Menghualu, there is a line that goes like this:
A woman is self-reliant. Once she wants to rely on others, she has a weakness.
rely on mountains will fall, rely on everyone can run, rely on others is passive after all.
in the face of marriage, we should give ourselves the strength and sense of security.
just like the conversation between Zhao Paner, the heroine in Menghualu, who insisted on opening a shop to do business, and Qianfan, a male customer:
"letting you stay here is not for you to open a shop and do business."
"if I don't do business, how can the three of us support ourselves and pay the rent?"
"can I make you have no money to spend? At that time in Jiangnan, when you said you wanted money, didn't I just give it to you? "
"living in the house you arranged and spending your money, what do people think of us?
you are not stingy, but if you borrow money from you, you will naturally be three points shorter. If you are willing to help us if you borrow it once or twice, what about ten times and a hundred times? "
I have to say that this speech is simply sober in the world.
economist Xue Zhaofeng shared a point of view:
Marriage means that both parties use their own resources to set up a family business together and sign a lifetime wholesale futures contract.
maybe everyone has different resources, different functions, and different effects, but they must contribute to each other to achieve a win-win situation.
Marriage is like a company, in which you have core values and the ability to be needed by others.
otherwise, your happiness and your life can only be in the hands of others.
Don't think about changing your destiny by relying on others and marriage, and don't cut off your wings, give up independence and give up self-growth after marriage.
Marriage, it is more about each taking what he or she needs, no one is willing to give all the time, and no one can lie flat forever.
all dedication and giving are based on mutual assistance.
that is to say, you and the other party are equal in relationship and independent in economy.
rather than an unbalanced structure, one side is high above and the other is submissive.
in marriage, partners may be able to go further and last longer if they maintain an equal and complementary relationship.
writer Bi Shumin once said:
"the essence of marriage is like a slow-growing plant, which requires constant irrigation, fertilizer, pruning and leaf pruning, and killing pests in order to have lasting shade."
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Marriage is a practice of two people. it requires the resonance of two people on the same frequency and the concerted efforts of two people.
sometimes, when a marriage becomes a stranger, it is more likely to be because:
the two people have different frequencies for a long time, and those who run in front do not wait, and those who lag behind do not chase.
and the best state of marriage is to be evenly matched and complement each other.
for men, don't forget your first heart, the warmth of your lover and the happiness of your home.
for women, don't stand still and rely on the light of others, but try to live your own light.
, may we all live up to our values and be what we want most in our marriage.