A person is grumpy to his relatives and kind to outsiders. The reason is that.
is there such a person in your life:
they are polite and respectful to outsiders, and often greet people with a smile.
when he comes home, he seems to have a different look, showing his face at the slightest discomfort, and losing his temper easily.
Family is obviously the closest person to us.
but why do we always leave our good temper to outsiders and bad temper to our families?
the reason is simple and inseparable from the following points.
be angry with your family because you won't pay the price
there is a psychological concept called retrogression.
refers to that when people encounter setbacks, they will give up the adult way they are used to and degenerate to a child's way to avoid reality and get rid of pain.
subconsciously, we think our family is safe.
No matter how bad things you say and what you do, your family will forgive us unconditionally.
that's why they have no fear and lose their temper at their families unscrupulously.
and all this is just because our families love us and care about us.
there is an impressive scene in the hit drama "the World".
Qiao Chunyan was asked by the unit to move home in one night and return the house.
she was very angry and aggrieved, but she couldn't spread these emotions at work, so she spread them on her family.
my son just complained weakly to his grandfather, "I don't like living in a small house." Qiao Chunyan's anger immediately came up.
she shouted, "get out if you don't like living here. Your mother has no ability but to let you live here."
Qiao Chunyan's father advised her, "you scared the child. What do you think is more real with the child?"
this advice angered her even more, and she yelled at her father:
"Don't smoke less and don't look back with a cerebral thrombus like Debao's father. There are enough things at home."
Qiao Chunyan's mother was packing her things, but she just said casually:
"this basket is quite new. Let's take it with us. It's a pity to throw it away."
Qiao Chunyan immediately turned her attack on her mother:
"Cao Debao, don't move. Give away all this furniture. No one really wants to throw it on the road and let people pick it up."
make room for my mother to put these broken baskets, cabinets and so on. "
I have heard a saying: "all the people in the world who contain your bad temper are the ones who care about you the most."
and the reason why we leave the best to outsiders and the worst to our families is because we know:
there is no price to pay for losing your temper with your family.
because your family will accept your bad temper unconditionally, and they will tolerate you, tolerate you, and understand you.
but this is actually a sign of selfishness.
just because there is no price to pay to offend your family, you take off your disguise and treat your family as a punching bag.
saying things that hurt your family, doing things that hurt your family.
but I still want to say:
Home is a place full of love and warmth, not a place to vent your bad emotions.
born a human being, everyone has a time when he is emotionally involved.
We can lose our temper, but we shouldn't leave all our bad emotions to our families.
outsiders are friendly, because outsiders will not spoil you
@ Triple hydrogen dioxin
shared a story:
her aunt's grandson, a fourth-grade boy who is 1.4 meters tall and weighs more than 120 jin, suddenly gave his sister-in-law a big push from behind.
my sister-in-law fell forward with a cry of surprise, but fortunately she stood not far away and hurriedly held her sister-in-law so that she did not fall.
after that, the family questioned the bear child, why did he push others?
the bear child said with indifference:
"I watch a pregnant woman have a miscarriage if she falls on TV. I just want to see if she will have a miscarriage if she is knocked down."
hearing this, the whole family was furious.
then, with a mop pole in her left hand and a rolling pin in her right hand, she beat the bear child from the dining room to the living room, and kicked him out of the house.
the later story is:
during the Spring Festival, the bear children refused to come to their house.
saw her slipping away from the wall at her grandmother's house, and dared not take a step closer to her sister-in-law.
of course, sharing this story does not advocate violence against violence.
but to say that even relatives will not spoil you, let alone outsiders.
you can lose your temper in front of your family, but society is not your parents, no one will spoil you.
in a certain program, the host asked Zhou Guoping:
"Why do we all leave our good temper to outsiders, but leave the bad temper and the worst to those who love you most?"
Zhou Guoping's answer is as follows:
"because you know that outsiders will not spoil you, maybe the backhand is a slap.
and you know that your family will not leave, so you have nothing to fear. "
it is human nature to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages.
sometimes, they will be ridiculed and bullied for being too ingratiating and humble.
but no matter how much you get angry outside, you don't dare to lose your temper at others easily.
it's not that I don't have a temper, but I know that sometimes I have to bow in order to make a living.
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to vent your emotions is just for a moment of pleasure, and the price behind it may be beyond our imagination.
Family is different. They know what you've been through and how sad you are.
even if you get angry with them, they will often stand on your side, understand and understand you.
but this is not the reason why we hurt our families again and again.
although the injury can be forgotten over time, the scar is still there.
our politeness and respect, gentleness and softness should also be left to our family.
the most difficult upbringing is to be kind to your family
do you remember the story you read at school?
the girl quarreled with her mother again, and in a fit of anger, she turned and ran out.
walking in the cold wind, hungry and cold, she stopped in front of a noodle stall.
the owner of the noodle stall is a kind old woman. Look at her and bring her a bowl of wonton and a dish of side dishes.
she was so grateful that she burst into tears as soon as she took a few bites.
when the old woman asked her what was wrong, she told her about the quarrel with her mother.
after listening, the old woman said something:
"I just cooked a bowl of wonton for you, and you are so grateful to me.
then your mother has been cooking for you for more than ten years. Why don't you thank her? Why quarrel with her? "
people, sometimes it's really weird.
We will be "grateful" for the small favours given by others, but we will "turn a blind eye" to the kindness of our family for a lifetime.
not only is not grateful, but takes it for granted, and even wantonly consumes the love of the family.
but there is no such thing as taken for granted in this world. Behind all that is taken for granted, it is just that someone is silently in love with you.
it could be a parent or a partner.
We can appreciate the efforts of others, but we can't see and appreciate the contributions of our families.
when it comes to family members, they are more picky, fearless and indifferent.
see a sentence on the Internet:
"it is instinct to be critical of those close to you, but it is a kind of upbringing to overcome your instinct and not to be critical of those close to you."
A person with a good temper outside may be forced by life and be smooth in dealing with the world.
and the good mood at home is the true self-cultivation that goes deep into the bone marrow, and it is also the most difficult one's upbringing.
Family is the person who has been with us for the longest time in the world.
they also deserve to be guarded and treated well, rather than enduring our bad temper and bad mood.
Please be kind to your family for the rest of your life.
Don't leave politeness only to outsiders, leave bad feelings to those who love you.
if we say that "a person is grumpy to his family and kind to outsiders" is a weakness of human nature.
so how to overcome this weakness? We can work hard from these two aspects:
1. Being kind to others is an attitude
being kind to others is the attitude we should have when dealing with others.
but not everyone deserves to be treated gently.
if you meet someone who is unfriendly or setting you up, you can refer to point 2.
2. Learn to say no is to respect yourself
it is also important to learn to express your attitude towards things you don't want to do or can't do.
everyone has the right to refuse.
it's not that we have to do what others say.
3, do not please others, do not wronge yourself
whether it is interpersonal communication, or talking and doing things, as long as you are right, there is no need to accommodate others too much.
respect your heart and please yourself.
instead of living in the expectations and comments of others.
treat your family
1. Don't bring bad mood home
for everyone, it is the most basic responsibility not to lose their temper with their family.
when we encounter grievances and sadness outside, we can deal with our emotions before going home.
instead of taking a bad mood home and taking it out on your family.
2. Know how to think of others
when you have conflicts with your family, you might as well think of others:
what is the starting point of the family? Is it for our own good? If so, is there a better way to communicate?
often be considerate of others, and there will be a lot less conflict in a family.
3, emotion, can not solve any problems
your bad mood doesn't solve the problem, it just complicates it.
at the same time, hurt the one who loves you most.
you know, everyone has a temper, it is instinctive to take it out, and it is the ability to hold it down.
host Liang Jizhang wrote this paragraph:
"relatives have only one fate, no matter how long I will spend with you in this life, you must cherish the time together.
next life, whether we like it or notLove will never meet again.
Family is used to love, not to hurt.
May we all be kind to our families, get along gently with them and live a complete and happy life for the rest of our lives.
, love your family well and love yourself with your heart.
encourage each other.