Is there a "new type of gnawing on the old"? Many parents have no idea, but think that their children are excellent.

/July 2023

We always say that there are no good years, but there is someone to carry the weight for you.

for children, parents are the ones who have been silently carrying the burden for us.

but when parents get older day by day, they will be powerless one day.

as children, what we need more is to learn to fly by ourselves, rather than relying on our parents' wings.

but there are always some people who enjoy their parents' efforts with peace of mind, but never think about returning them.

this kind of behavior can be said to be "gnawing on the old" or "unfilial".

if there are such people around you, especially the following two, please pay attention to them.

"evade work under the pretext of learning"

I wonder if you have ever heard of a word called "slow employment".

refers to, after graduating from university, there is no hurry to find a job, but temporarily choose to take the postgraduate entrance examination, take the public entrance examination, take the examination of teachers, and so on.

but the premise of slow employment is supported by a certain economic base.

and this, to a large extent, is inseparable from parents' financial support.

just like one of my aunt's cousins, she didn't work and took the postgraduate entrance exam three times, but she didn't pass the exam.

when she failed the exam in the first year, my aunt comforted her: "it doesn't matter, it's only another year."

during this period, my aunt bears all her economic expenses:

my cousin thinks the house is too noisy to read quietly, so my aunt rents her a house.

because of my poor command of English and math, I spent more than 6000 yuan to sign her up for a tutoring class.

coupled with the purchase of materials for the postgraduate entrance examination, books on professional courses, registration fees, hotel accommodation, and so on, tens of thousands of dollars were spent inside and outside.

but the next year, I still failed the examination and didn't even pass the score line.

I advised her to go out to work. She worked for three months and quit. The reason was: "if I don't want to be angry with my boss, I still want to take the postgraduate entrance examination."

I can't help it. My aunt has no choice but to live frugally for her study in the past few years.

We all advised her to stop taking the exam and look for a job, but my cousin just didn't want to step into society and start working.

I have heard a sentence:

"sometimes we do one thing, not because we like it, but because we want to avoid another."

take my cousin as an example, does she really want to take the postgraduate entrance examination? Not necessarily.

otherwise, she wouldn't play games, watch movies or browse Douyin during the tense exam preparation period.

the postgraduate entrance examination is more of an excuse for her to avoid looking for a job.

as an adult, everyone has the right to decide his own life.

you can choose to run away and choose not to work, but don't let your parents pay for your actions.

what's more, evasion won't solve any problem, it will only complicate things.

in the face of an uncertain future, instead of choosing to escape and hide behind your parents, you should face it bravely and try to grow up by yourself.

"borrow parents' money on the grounds of starting a business"

I have seen a program called "Gold Mediation", in which there is an impressive story:

Xiao Jiang, the son of Ms. Xu, is obsessed with entrepreneurship and wants to achieve financial freedom by starting a business.

when he started his first business, his parents were also very supportive and gave him all the money he had saved from working.

but due to lack of experience, the first venture ended in failure, not only did not make money, but also owed a lot of foreign debt.

Ms. Xu could not bear her son to be pursued by all kinds of debts, so she helped him pay off most of his debts.

I thought my son would find a reliable job, but unexpectedly, Xiao Jiang still adhered to his entrepreneurial dream.

under the soft and hard bubble of Xiao Jiang, Ms. Xu mortgaged her only house and borrowed 800000 yuan, all to support her son's start-up business.

some people say that starting a business and gambling are often one step apart.

because he is not reconciled to failure and wants to gamble again, Xiao Jiang has been running around on the road to starting a business.

There is no other place you are guaranteed of versatility, only by boho maid of honor wear. Enjoy shopping for that fabulous garment.

however, his entrepreneurial dream did not let him live the life he imagined. On the contrary, he lost his family fortune and exhausted his parents' trust in him.

the same sentence:

"you can pursue freedom and the life you want, but you should not sacrifice your parents' freedom or even the stability of your parents' life.

if you want to start a business, you can use your ability to make money and make your career bigger and stronger, instead of relying on your parents' financial support to let your parents clean up the mess for yourself. "

parents are old, and their retirement money is the strength of their old age, not the cost of their children's trial and error in life.

moreover, when some children start their own businesses, they say that they borrow money from their parents, in essence, they ask their parents for money.

it is because they love us and trust us that their parents give us the money without reservation.

if we cannot give more to our parents, at least we should not blindly nibble on old age, leaving our parents with no place to live in their old age.

parents and children are a spiritual practice that is drifting away.

parents can't charge all the time in front of life.

Children should learn to be alone.Stand up to the wind and rain and shoulder their respective responsibilities and missions.

some people attribute the above two types of people to "a new type of gnawing on the elderly", which can be summarized as follows:

learn from old age with a decent excuse (or study or start a business).

in the face of such a request, most parents cannot refuse, and they may feel that their children have ideas and pursue progress.

so, try their best to lift them to pursue their dreams and live the life they want.

but I still want to say:

Children can always be children of their parents, but they cannot be permanent children in society.

parents will eventually withdraw from their children's world, and the rest of the road will have to be done on their own.

parents can take care of them for a while, but they can never take care of them forever.

for the sake of their children's longer-term future, parents can keep these three points in mind:


writer Zhou Guoping once said:

"A sense of size is a sign of mature love.

it knows how to respect the necessary distance between people, which means respect for each other as an independent personality. "

parents need to be clear about their own boundary consciousness.

some things can be managed and money can be supported, but not beyond a certain limit.

after exceeding a certain limit, no matter what happens, stop helping.

have principles

parents should give their children unconditional but principled love, not unprincipled and conditional love.

for children who do not work hard and make progress, it is useless to give more money.

such children, no matter how much you pay, they will not know how to be grateful. They might as well leave a way back for themselves as soon as possible.

parents are not cash machines, so they can be allowed to gnaw on the old for a while, but it is impossible to gnaw on the old for a long time.

there is a bottom line

when parents spend all their savings to support their children, have they ever thought about what to do if they get sick and stay in hospital? How can life be guaranteed in old age?

although parents love their children more than their own lives, they still hope that parents can stay and love themselves more.

Love has a bottom line, not indulgence and indulgence.

parents love themselves more and take good care of themselves, so that their children can have no worries and can do what they want to do.

collected a passage:

"parents' world is so small that it only fills us; our world is so big that we often ignore them."

they often forget that we have grown up, just as we often forget that their hair is getting gray. "

loving children is the nature of parents, and loving parents is a kind of human nature.

when our parents raise us to grow up, we grow old with our parents and be kind to our parents in their old age. We are also kind to ourselves in the future.

in this world, all good relationships go both ways.

the love between parents and children should also flow in both directions.

, don't let your parents' full love fail, and don't let their parents have nothing to rely on in their old age.

gnawing on the elderly can be temporary helplessness, but it should not be a long-term solution. It is only ourselves that can make us cope with life for a long time.

encourage each other!