Smart people don't socialize.

/July 2023




there is a question on Zhihu: "how to identify the smart people around you?"

one of the highly liked answers is:

"when you meet someone, he understands your situation, respects your opinions and beliefs, and makes you feel comfortable getting along with you.

but when you want to get in touch with him further, you will find that he always keeps a certain distance from you, making you feel that you are always apart from each other. This person is probably much smarter than you. "

this is true.

most of the so-called "smart people" are "friendly and friendly, but there is no lack of distance" in social terms.

because they know this truth:

"the theory of connections" is a false proposition, and it is "strength" rather than anything else that allows you to pass without hindrance.

A silly party is a consumption of yourself

some people say that for Chinese people, sometimes it is more accurate and intuitive to calculate by "heap" than by "individual".

makes a lot of sense.

whenever there is something big or trivial, some people always look for all kinds of excuses, such as the so-called dinner party, wine board, alumni reunion, fellow-townsman association, and so on, and a bunch of people who are very noisy gather together to eat, drink, play and play, and do not miss Shu.

even if you are very drunk and have a stomachache, you will not hesitate to complain even if your family members are worried and complaining.

ask them why they are doing this.

the answer is nothing more than: only when you eat and drink well and have fun, can you have a good relationship and get things done.

is that true? Of course not!

I have an example around me.

when my friend Daguo first started running an advertising company, in order to accumulate a list of Dora's contacts, he always looked like "I'm free." if you have an appointment, you will go.

once, in order to entertain an intended client, he simply stayed out of the night and accompanied the client from place to place all night.

but afterwards, the client did not put the advertising business to Daguo's company for the reason that:

this is the annual KPI. You must find a company with a success story to do it.

to put it bluntly, the customer is very rational. Daguo's human feelings of eating and drinking and playing with him cannot repair the hard wound that Daguo's "skills are not as good as people".

Da Guo concluded: I am so stupid. When I come out to walk around, everyone has a scale in my heart. Others can see clearly how capable a person is and how much great things he can accomplish.

writer Zhou Guoping once said: "Friendship is definitely not the dominant factor in the social arena, but fashion, interests or boredom."

silly and lively parties are only embellishments of past affection, not clear evidence of other people's recognition of you.

Alcohol power is not strength. The "emotion" of pushing a cup to change a cup begins with the wine table and ends with the wine table, which can not be "realized" and can not be extended.

if you indulge in it, it is your own consumption.

not all people deserve to know each other deeply

the story of the Woodcutter and the Shepherd is no stranger to everyone.

the woodcutter went up the mountain to cut wood and met the shepherd. In order to pass the time, the shepherd looked after the sheep grazing while pulling the woodcutter to chat.

in order to make the shepherd happy, the woodcutter laid down his work and chatted "intently" all the way.

when it was dark, the shepherd went home with the full-bellied sheep, but the woodcutter, empty-handed, became a joke in everyone's mouth:

"you are a firewood chopper and he is a sheep herder. You have been chatting with him all day. His sheep are full. Where is your firewood?"

in life, there are many such people who, in order to be "gregarious" and "existential", deliberately please and cling to everywhere, so that they forget their own way.

the fairy tale picture book Ali always stands says:

"in this life, people will meet 8263563 people, will greet 39778 people, will be familiar with 3619 people, will be close to 275 people, but in the end, they will be scattered in the sea of people."

fate is scattered, people come and go, are normal, not all people, have to go to the deep friendship.

friends with different interests should let go.

Guan Ning and Hua Xin used to be images of each other, reciting poems and drinking, talking about the past and the present, the breeze and the moon, happy or not;

but in the face of the noise and the expensive horses of famous cars, Hua Xin couldn't help going to find out. When he returned, Guan Ning had cut off the table and broke off his friendship.

friends who do not conspire with each other should cut off contact.

Zhang ailing and Yan Ying were as good as homosexuals in their girlhood, but later they had a grudge against each other and no longer got in touch with each other....

circles are different, so there is no need for forced integration.

Lu Xun made friends with Leap soil when he was a teenager. They watched watermelons, thorns, caught sparrows and picked up shells together.

but when we were reunited many years later, the leap soil respectfully called Lu Xun "my lord", and there was a sad thick barrier between them. By now, the fate of a young age has disappeared.

writer Xue Xiao Zen once said:

"when people reach a certain age, they go to recycle." In the end, a couple of bosom friends and a cup of shallow tea make life the way you want it to be. "

you don't have to invite everyone into your life for the rest of your life. if you go through the washing of time, there are only two or three bosom friends left, which is better than thousands of ordinary acquaintances.

rubbish social interaction, it's better to be alone

remember that social experimental short film called "how many common contacts do you have on your phone"?

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the experimenter in the short film has friends of thousands of people in the address book, but when the director asks them to delete their nodding acquaintance and like acquaintance, there are only two or three people left.

that is to say, of the 1000 acquaintances, only two or three are really important.

it turns out that we are busy all day "socializing", are some unimportant people.

of course, people are gregarious animals, and social interaction is inevitable.

but in a short period of 30,000 days, there is really no need to spend all your time and energy on rubbish socializing.

those who shine have a period of time alone.

for example, the short story writer O'Henry, after he was imprisoned because of bank account problems, took advantage of his boring and long prison life to think and created a large number of short stories.

there is also Thoreau, an American writer who once lived in seclusion on the banks of Walden. For two years, he enjoyed himself leisurely and embraced nature. He was asked if he felt lonely.

he said, "I think being alone often makes people physically and mentally healthy." Being with people, even with the best people, can be tiresome. I am so alone, and so far I have not found a partner who makes me feel as kind as being alone. "

as some people say, it is better to have high-quality solitude than to socialize with low quality.

if you feel uncomfortable in the carnival of the crowd, it is better to soar high in the sky like an eagle, walk through a mountain stream like water, spend a cold night like a flower, and reach the top in solitude and desolation.

after all, life in the world, not only noisy, not only boiling, but also should have the realm of being alone.

the most important person in life is ourselves

Why do people go to silly and lively parties and climb in four places?

there are two reasons: 1, want to be popular, 2, want connections.

these two points make some people take a fluke, shuttling through all kinds of "circles" of false prosperity, as if as soon as they enter the expensive circle, they can take advantage of the east wind and go up to the clouds.

but in fact, as some people say, if you want to meet a "noble person", you must first be a "capable person".

in the TV series "the Great Rivers", Wang Kai's "Song Yunhui", even if the family composition is not good, never engage in socializing or networking, but step by step out of the vast world.

he relies on himself.

when he passed the first place in the county, but almost missed the university, he went again and again, braving the fierce sun and unyielding, and got the admission notice.

he knew that the opportunity was not easy to come by. In college, he worked hard and never missed any chance to learn. His roommates galloped in the stadium, and he studied hard.

finally, as high achiever, he went to work in the best chemical plant in the city.

people often say that if you are in full bloom, the breeze will come.

if you don't have strong skills and solid foundation, you can't get any care even if you bow your head and flatter and laugh.

after all, truly effective social interactions never judge heroes by breadth, but win or lose by depth.

as stated in the book "Please stop ineffective socializing":

"when your abilities, resources, and status don't match your social ambitions, all you do is socialize ineffectively."

give up the idea of taking shortcuts and put aside those illusory illusions.

the Phoenix comes when the plane tree is planted.

if you work hard, you will bring your own strength and create your own world, and naturally you don't have to ingratiate and self-destruct.

because, hugging people's thighs, it is better to temper their brains and look at their faces than to improve their own appearance.

the noble person in life is always himself.

encourage each other.