The greatest self-discipline of adults is to restrain their desire for rebuttal.

/July 2023


such a story is recorded in the Analects of Confucius.

A minister of the State of Lu insulted Confucius, and Confucius' disciple Gong laughed after hearing it.

someone asked him that Master had been vilified, but you didn't help with a few excuses.

Zi Gong replied, "my master is like the sun and moon in the sky. The world denigrates the sun and the moon.

there is a saying in the Book of morality: "those who are good do not argue, but those who argue are not good."

the highest level of self-discipline in adults is to restrain the desire to argue with others about right or wrong.

in the novel "three-body", there is a device called "ideological steel seal".

people who have been imprinted with ideas will have a narrow and paranoid understanding of something.

for example, when someone gives him water, he will instinctively retort that water is toxic.

even if he is told that more than 70% of the human body is hydrated, he still thinks it is a lie.

in fact, ideological impressions can be seen everywhere in life.

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you must have met such a person who insists that you are wrong no matter how much you present the evidence and tell the facts.

it's not his intention to target you, but a low-level perception that allows him to see only what he thinks he is.

the lower a person's cognitive level is, the less flexible his thinking is, and the more difficult it is to tolerate different views.

in 1943, Carlson came to the IBM headquarters to sell patents for the invention of electrostatic copiers.

the manager in charge of receiving him believes that IBM has the top R & D team in the world.

even if there is a practical invention, it is not for an unknown person to provide it.

when Carlson introduced the invention, the manager repeatedly interrupted, first questioning the high cost and bulky size of the photocopier, and then asking, "We all have carbon paper. Why do you need this thing?"

until Carlson answered these questions one by one, the manager still clung to his resume and asked, "aren't you a lawyer? why are you working as an engineer?"

Carlson heard this, put away the drawings and left angrily.

five years later, Thomas, president of IBM, noticed that a new company in New York called Xerox was growing so fast that it had taken away a lot of business from IBM.

after research, he found that the best-selling product of Xerox is the office copier, and the design director is Carlson, who was rejected by IBM.

Redalio, founder of the Bridge Water Fund, once said:


compared with what you know, whether you can properly deal with "I don't know" is the most important thing.


habitual refutation is precisely to isolate one's own horizons from the "unknown" world.

think that others are useless, not that they know everything, which precisely exposes their own ignorance.

there is a hot topic on Douban: what is the sign of true maturity?

one comment received numerous likes: one day you find that fewer and fewer people need to object.

Su Shi was pointed out by Zhang Kui, who was 9 years younger than himself, in the poem. He didn't want to save face with rebuttal, but respectfully called him "Master".

in his opening speech, Lin Jianhua, president of Peking University, was publicly questioned for mispronouncing a word, thanks to his students for correcting him.

people who have seen the world understand their own smallness and know how to keep a listening posture in front of different opinions.

Google Director David once called a subordinate named Jonathan to the office, pointing out that his voice on the phone was too loud and affected other colleagues.

Jonathan, in turn, asked David, "when you called the other day, didn't you speak very loudly?"

the employees around them held their breath and had a premonition that a fierce quarrel was about to break out in the office.

but after a moment of silence, only David said sincerely:

"if I spoke too loudly at that time, I apologize to you, and when you find me doing this, please feel free to point it out. But your phone call was really loud today. It has nothing to do with anyone else. "

later, at a product seminar, someone proposed to customize the exclusive news for each customer.

everyone thought the proposal was whimsical, but David thought it would never hurt to give it a try.

two years later, Google News, which automatically arranges news by the algorithm, went online and became one of Google's most successful projects.

in more than a decade of working life, David accepts all criticism and welcomes any idea.

Charlie Munger said: "the goal of winners is not to convince others that they are right, but to figure out who is right."

the difference between people is nothing more than that some people keep a paranoia and make the road narrower and narrower.

some people use rich three-dimensional values to accommodate the diversity of the world and accept the multi-dimension of the point of view.

A smile is far more ambitious than tension, and calmness is far more obvious than retorting.

the writer Wu Jun once mentioned a friend in his speech.

when this friend first went to sea to do business, he had a heated argument with the owner of the big stall over ten yuan.

later, he became the boss of a listed company and was misunderstood by the waiter as "not paying" when eating in a restaurant.

instead of defending himself, he stood upPay again in a moment and leave in a hurry.

he explained to Wu Jun:

"it's not that I don't care about money, but for me in the past, ten yuan may be half a day's income. For me now, the time spent arguing is enough for me to earn several meals."

A stone falls into the well, causing ripples and falling into the sea without a trace of waves.

when the pattern of a person is large, many things become unworthy of refutation.

Harvard professor Julia Dahl has loved debate since she was a child.

gradually, she has developed the debating skills that can make everyone stop talking, but her once close friends are estranged one by one.

Julia began to realize that the purpose of refutation in the competition is to win, and that in life is often to hide her weakness.

I quarreled with my roommate in order to arrange for duty because I didn't have the financial condition to rent a room.

I tried to persuade the teacher to revise the course grade because he didn't get a better grade.


after thinking about this, Julia put all her heart into her career and tried to improve her professional level.

from the captain of the high school debate team to the champion of the world school debating competition, with the development of the platform, Julia found that there are fewer and fewer people and things that are not going well.

she said in her TED speech:

but through our own growth, we can make things that cannot be agreed upon become insignificant. "

A real master does not compete in words, but only in deeds.

not arguing in case of trouble is not a sign of weakness, it is precisely the use of limited energy to cultivate and improve yourself.

after reading a paragraph, I have deep feelings:

"similarly, someone scolds you on the ground, and if you stand at the foot of the mountain, you will fight back.

when you stand on the hillside, you will think it is to say hello to you.

when you stand at the top of the mountain, you see thousands of miles of rivers and mountains, and you don't see any right and wrong in the world. "

the higher a person is, the more he can tolerate and accept the differences of others with a detached state of mind.

if one day, those who were resentful and aggrieved, began to become light.

then congratulations, your pattern has reached new heights.

Insight Elm, come