To stop internal friction is the best antidote to life.
psychologist Wu Zhihong talked about such a case.
he once received a female visitor who worked in a well-known bank with good career prospects, but she often felt very painful.
because every day after work, she still keeps thinking about the day:
who spoke impolitely to her? why didn't she go back at that time? the more she thought about it, the worse she felt, and her mood got worse and worse.
or whether it is too strict to speak to a subordinate, or even wronged others, thinking about it, my heart is full of guilt.
A night's time often goes by in wishful thinking, not only getting nothing done, but also exhausting yourself physically and mentally.
Wu Zhihong said that her pain is not due to tiredness at work, but from internal friction.
Kazuo Inamori wrote in his book advice for Young people:
"the most terrible thing about a person is internal friction. A sentence from others will be chewed over and over again; excessive analysis, thinking and self-denial."
this kind of mental consumption is often more painful than physical consumption. "
thinking is good, but excessive thinking will only make people fall into internal friction and consume a lot of energy and energy.
stop internal friction, worry will be reduced, and life can be better.
reject social internal friction
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in the variety show "Please listen up 2", I received such a letter from the audience.
A person named
said that she was extremely afraid of being hated by others.
since childhood, she has tried her best to please her mother, and even if she doesn't like some things, she will force herself to do some things to please her mother.
when you grow up, this situation will only increase rather than decrease.
whether at work or in life, she can hardly refuse other people's requests.
whenever a colleague is sick and has something wrong, he will ask her to take over as a substitute as soon as possible.
and no matter what she has at hand, she will accept it one by one, lest her colleagues find her difficult to get along with.
sometimes, in order to buy breakfast for her colleagues, she will go out two hours early, even if it is not on her way at all.
in interpersonal communication, she is always so careful and treading on thin ice, which makes her feel tired.
it is clear that I still have something to do, but I can't say it if I refuse in the face of other people's requests.
for fear of offending others, I would rather sacrifice my time to meet the needs of others.
obviously not interested in the party, but afraid that others will have a problem with them, so they braved to attend, to integrate into the topic of no interest.
even in the face of sales promotion from strangers, you can't say no until you fall into endless remorse afterwards.
Schopenhauer said: "one weakness of human nature is that it cares too much about what others think of itself."
it is a high degree of internal friction to care too much about yourself in the eyes of others.
when you take other people's views and feelings too seriously, you are bound to ignore your own feelings.
and the more you try to please and cater to others, the more serious your self-consumption will be.
in the long run, communication between people will become a burden.
No one can live a lonely island all his life.
but only you are the protagonist of life, and no one is worth your grievance and reluctance.
to refuse internal friction, you don't have to care so much about everyone's preferences. Taking good care of yourself in advance is the best way to socialize.
refuse to work with internal friction
once read a story.
A designer once received a new task-- to design a new house for a client.
but several editions have been changed, but the customers are not satisfied, and he is very upset about this.
before leaving work, the boss saw that he was still worried, so he joked with him and said:
"Young man, if you enter your life early, you will know what your customers think."
after listening to this, the designer can't help thinking:
does the leader think that he hasn't done a good job this time?
or are you afraid that he is too young and inexperienced?
or if there are two design jobs on hand, will they be drawn to competitors in the same group?
after that day, he began to be restless every day and dared not start to design.
although there are many ideas in my mind, I feel that each of them is not perfect enough for fear that I will not be able to meet the expectations of my boss.
I finally drew a copy, and worried that the customer was not satisfied, I kept changing it over and over again, and dared not hand it in for a long time.
the boss sighed when he knew about it:
"according to your ability, you can hand in the manuscript on time. I just played a joke on you last time. I hope you won't be so nervous. I didn't expect you to think so much."
think of a sentence: "think can only get a steady stream of questions, do can find the answer."
indeed, those hesitant thoughts can only drain our minds, plunge people into indecision, and move further and further away from our original goals.
instead of having thousands of ideas in mind, it's better to take a brave step.
Roman Roland has a good saying:
"Life passes quickly, and an opportunity never happens twice. You must make a quick decision, or you will never take it."
the best time to do something is the moment, don't let hesitation and procrastination delay the most precious moment, and don't let the so-called perfectionism hinder the pace of progress.
No one is perfect, and there is no end to things. It is better to think ten thousand times than to act once.
acting in time is the best cure for internal friction at work.
reject emotional internal friction
there is a question on Zhihu: what kind of relationship is difficult to last?
the most popular answer is: internal friction.
if in a relationship, both parties always feel negative emotions and internal friction with each other, then the relationship will probably not continue.
in the emotional program "Gold Mediation", there was a couple in their 50s, which caused a heated discussion among countless netizens.
when he was young, the husband was unfortunately found to be infertile. In order not to affect his wife, he took the initiative to apply for divorce.
however, my wife said that even if she had no children, she would be willing to accompany her all her life.
it was originally a beautiful talk, but later, when my wife saw that other people were full of children and grandchildren, she was filled with envy.
she very much hopes that her husband can spend more time with her. During the holidays, she will not always go back to her hometown. She can take her out for a walk and live together.
she thought that since her husband loved her, he would understand even if he didn't have to talk.
however, the bold husband was completely unaware of her mind, and there was still no change.
the wife can only be secretly angry, and the more she thinks about it, the more she feels aggrieved. She thinks that the efforts made over the past few decades are not worth it, and she often takes advantage of the topic to lose her temper with her husband.
the husband doesn't understand where his wife's grievances come from day after day, but thinks his wife is making a mountain out of a molehill and getting weirder and weirder.
in this way, the deep feelings that once shared weal and woe between the two people slowly turned into mutual dislike.
this is probably the saddest thing in a relationship: when something happens, you don't want to open your heart, but you always expect the other person to understand what you think.
when silence takes the place of communication and complaint takes the place of understanding, only internal friction is left in the relationship.
it is like a dose of chronic poison, will nibble away at those who love each other bit by bit, constantly make people sad, cold, and finally let the feelings fall apart.
I very much agree with that sentence: "No matter how good a relationship is, there is no continuation without communication."
active communication can better understand each other's needs and reduce internal friction in the relationship.
only by honestly changing your heart with your heart, can you live a long life and spend the rest of your life better together.
stopping internal friction is the best antidote to life
the Greek philosopher Epictetus said: "it is not things that affect people, but what people think of things."
pain is often just a choice. what makes us miserable is not the thing itself, but the self-friction caused by it.
only by stopping internal friction is the best antidote to life.
in social communication, you don't have to please everyone. Other people's opinions are not that important at all.
at work, there is no need to be perfect, instead of hesitating, it is better to act first and perfect things a little bit.
in the relationship, they treat each other honestly, communicate with each other attentively, refuse to consume each other, and live a quiet life together.
, may you give up internal friction for the rest of your life, let your heart worry less and embrace the beauty of life.
Lin Jing is a radio host who graduated from the Chinese Department.
May after many years, the story no longer hurts, the sun is still warm, and you are so charming.
Let my voice and other people's stories accompany you every sleepless night.
listen to classics and Lin Jing in the evening.
Sina Weibo @ DJ Lin Jing.