When you reach middle age, please put away your generosity.

/July 2023

there is a question in Zhihu: why is there always so much goodness disappointed in the world?

A high praise replied: because of the true feelings between people, many times they were defeated by three words: "I thought".

I think that as long as you treat people with sincerity, you can naturally gain a true meaning.

I think that as long as you are kind to others, you can naturally reap a sense of gratitude.

I think that as long as everything is patient enough, we can have a happy ending.

but the reality is always cruel: kindness is too much, it is easy to be consumed; if you lose your degree, you will hurt yourself in the end.

when people reach middle age, the best way to love themselves is to take good care of your kindness.

bottomless kindness

all you get is to bite the hand that feeds you

writer Mo Yan once told a personal experience in his speech at the Nobel Prize ceremony.

one year during the Mid-Autumn Festival, his family rarely made dumplings, but it was only enough for everyone to eat one bowl.

was about to start eating when an old man begging came to his door to beg. Mo Yan handed him half a bowl of dried sweet potatoes when he saw this.

who ever thought that the old man looked at the dried sweet potatoes in the bowl and said indignantly:

"I am an old man, you eat dumplings, but let me eat dried sweet potatoes, how do your hearts grow?"

on hearing this, Mo Yan immediately became angry and said:

"We can't eat dumplings several times a year. Now each person has a small bowl and can't even eat half full. It would be nice to give you dried sweet potatoes."

then his mother reprimanded Mo Yan and gave half a bowl of dumplings to the old man.

and this sentence "how do your hearts grow" almost negates all the good intentions of Mo Yan's family.

No matter how much he gives, no matter how full he is fed, he will not be grateful.

later, Mo Yan wrote this sentence in "late ripening people": "good people mature late, and they are urged to mature by bad people."

the beginning of a person's maturity is to recognize the reality after being bitten back again and again.

the story of the farmer and the snake is staged every day, and Mr. Dongguo and the wolf never come to an end.

when I write here, I can't help thinking of a past story that Yu Minhong once mentioned.

more than 20 years ago, Yu Minhong was robbed twice, in addition to losing a lot of property, but also almost killed, but there was only a year between the two nightmares.

it was not until six years later that he figured out why he had this misfortune.

it turns out that Yu Minhong once rented a resort for the needs of the course and paid 200000 in advance. After the course, the resort needs to refund 30, 000 yuan.

but the previous advance payment has already been squandered by the resort owner, and there is no money to refund.

the boss was impatient, so he went to plead with Yu Minhong. Seeing that he was pitiful, Yu Minhong said, "it's all right, just forget it."

it was this sentence that made the resort owner realize that Yu Minhong was not only rich but also kind-hearted, so he began to plan a robbery.

from then on, Yu Minhong woke up: I was too kind to him, so he came to himself whenever he thought about committing a crime.

the Bodhisattva's heart is not wrong, but if he loses the means of King Kong, he will bring disaster to himself.

being kind to others is self-cultivation, but if you lose the bottom line, you will bite the hand that feeds you.

Please remember, never spoil an ungrateful person; don't feed an ungrateful heart.

unprincipled tolerance

all you get is an inch and a step

Mr. Yang Jiang wrote a paragraph in "going to the Edge of Life":

"in this world, life is really hard enough.

if you intend to be an honest man at peace with the rest of the world, people will use you to bully you.

if you have a little bit of talent and moral character, people will envy you and exclude you.

if you give in magnanimously, people will infringe on you and hurt you. "

that's the way human nature is. The more you give in, the more the other person pushes. The more you swallow your anger, the more unscrupulous the other person is.

the saddest thing between people is that his progress is carried out in your acquiescence again and again.

in the World, Zhou Bingkun is recognized as a good man by his family and friends.

in order to pursue her own happy life, Zhou Rong left her daughter Feng Yue to Zhou Bingkun to take care of for more than ten years.

in the past ten years, no matter how hard life has been, Zhou Bingkun has not complained, nor has he ever complained about the difficulty of raising another child.

and these efforts seem to be taken for granted between families in Zhou Rong's eyes.

Zhou Rong learned that Feng Yue liked Zhou Nan, not only encouraged Feng Yue and Zhou Nan to be together, but also hoped to get the support of Zhou Bingkun and Zheng Juan, without taking into account the feelings of their husband and wife.

when Zhou's father was seriously ill, as soon as Zhou Rong entered the house, she began to blame Bingkun for not taking good care of her father, but she forgot that Bingkun was the only one who maintained the family and took care of her parents these years.

to his family, he gave a lot of meticulous efforts, but in the end, all he got was blame and incomprehension.

after Xiao Guoqing and Wu Qian were laid off, Zhou Bingkun wanted to help them and found a way to arrange for Wu Qian to work in a bookstore.

the National Day family had no house to live in, so he lent out his old house and let them live in it indefinitely.

later, Bingkun got into trouble and wanted to get old.When the house was coming back, Wu Qian fell out on the spot and completely forgot the kindness of the past.

in the eyes of the "six Little Gentlemen", Zhou Bingkun can help with anything, so when he encounters any problem, everyone comes to him as soon as possible.

from work to house, from the small busyness of parents to the hustle and bustle of life problems, great help brings not gratitude, but the requests of others to take more and more steps forward.

to his friends, he repeatedly sent charcoal in the snow, almost on call, but in the end, all he got was resentment.

at last he couldn't stand it and shouted out the words that had been held in his heart for a long time: "is it mine?"

it costs too much to be a good man without a temper, and it pays too little to be a good man without complaint.

I quite agree with a point of view that Wang Xiaobo once said:

"people have two major obligations to live in the world. One is to be a good man and worthy of life." The other is not to get used to other people's bad habits. "

walk in the world, the more "easy to bully" you are, the more indiscreet others are, because there is no need to take into account your feelings.

the more you have no sense of boundaries, the more you agree to everything and tolerate it every time, the easier it is for others to hold you down, because you don't have to worry about your emotions.

never let your tolerance become a bargaining chip for others to bully you. If there is nothing to retreat, stick to your own principles.

Don't be soft when it's time to refuse, and you don't have to back down when you reach the bottom line.

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endless forgiveness

all you get is repeated injuries

have seen such a conversation:

the disciple asked Confucius, "how about returning good for evil?"

Confucius replied, "return good for evil, how can you return good for good?"

the disciple was puzzled: "then how is it most appropriate to do it?"

Confucius replied: "good for good, straight for evil."

the older you are, the more you experience, the more you can understand the meaning of this sentence.

return good for evil, the end result is not to influence the person who once hurt you, but to give him the courage to stab you again.

when I was at school, I was impressed by a shy girl in my class.

because she is more introverted, she walks alone on campus most of the time.

I don't know when someone gradually rumored that she "often steals things and has a very poor character."

since then, whenever someone lost something, she was the first to suspect, but when it was found, no one sincerely apologized to her, leaving only a simple "sorry".

and she responded with a smile every time: "it doesn't matter."

it was these three words that let those people see the price of doing evil, so they began to spread rumors and slander her more presumptuously.

her forgiveness has never been exchanged for goodwill, and her magnanimity has never calmed down the rumors.

if you give in, you will only ask for the aggravation of those who do evil, not your own safety.

not all injuries are worth forgiving, and not all "I'm sorry" is followed by "it doesn't matter".

Don't endlessly forgive those who have hurt you. It's best to stay away from them as soon as possible.

as Zhang Shaohan once said:

"there is a saying,'be grateful to the person who hurt you, because he made you stronger', but I just want to say that hurt is hurt, without these injuries, I will become stronger.

because I am not only born beautiful, I am also born strong. I don't appreciate the people who hurt me. They just remind me not to be that kind of person. "

there is a question on the Internet: when did you decide to stop being kind?

I like the answer of a netizen very much: I never decided to be no longer kind, just decided not to be kind to everyone.

the best state of life is, in fact, kindness and tolerance.

when there is no way to go back, please put down your generosity.

Please put away your kindness when you don't get a kind return.

May there be an edge in your kindness for the rest of your life; may there be edges and corners in your kindness; keep the bottom line when you live in the world.

, share with your friends.